She is still online!

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Wow! She is online at 3 am in the morning. Maybe she woke up to pee, maybe she is responding to her cousin or debating about memes with her friends in the US. Maybe. Also, maybe she is talking to someone new, she wasn’t interested in anyone from her past. It has to be someone new but she isn’t on any dating app, I would have seen her! And she said she was done with them anyway! But am I capable of believing it? Who are the three new followers then? Have any of them liked her recent photo? Yes 2 of them have. No comments from them which is a relief, but did I ever leave comments when we were dating? Never! She never would have appreciated me marking my territory. Wait, did she view my recent story from 12 hours ago? She has to know I am still having a laugh, watching new movies and posting useless recommendations for 4 of my followers! But she has liked a post from a common page we like 4 hours ago, which means she was online. Oh, I bet she has muted my posts and stories. Damn where was I, yes, she was online! Let me check again and……she is still online.

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Everyone is Joe after a bad breakup!

Not just casually jumping from one app to another online, proper fucking online. I am in a staring match with the online sign and guess I am close to defeat; blinking in disbelief, disappointment, heart break, wallowing in self-pity! I should never have checked on her, I was never going to text her again anyway after the last time we broke up. Didn’t it feel like it was final? Why doesn’t it feel like it was final? She sure has moved on. She isn’t pining for me. Why am I the exception? Whoa I’ve had 3 mini breakdowns in the past 30 mins and is she still hasn’t batted her eyelid! Who the fuck is she talking to? Should I confront her? On what basis would I do that anyway, she told me clearly, she has to leave as she can’t picture herself staying, she can live without another hug or a shared laughter. Why am I searching for clues when she has laid it all out in front of me?

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I will never know.

Do I have to go through this every single day? And night? Even my mornings are never smooth. Almost every day I wake up screaming internally from a dream infested with her memories or any alternate reality I crave for where we are still together! How is this going to be sustainable? Is time the only factor which can help me? What is this, my 67th break up? Okay I will say this is different, she is special, nothing like anything seen before. It is true, call me a fool but I am not kidding, but when she is not with me, how is it useful? Shouldn’t I come up with a better way of healing and dealing with this? Why is it that hard? Is time the only answer? In that case time can make anything feel less important over its course? Is nothing worthy to stand the test of time? Is everything temporary? Is everything going to perish one day? Then why doesn’t this pain too follow suit? Let me check one last time…..SHE IS STILL ONLINE.

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Hi Naruto fans!

Don’t be an asshole. please?

Thanks to TN’s govt’s amazing plan to enforce complete shutdown of shops with one day to spare, panic buying has ensured as expected! But that’s not the subject of my rant! It is one balding excuse of a human being who probably can’t get it up at night, which explains his frustration and even misogyny. I was at a small shop; we were in a line thankfully but I could see people were already losing it. I’d already witnessed 3 Reddit worthy public freakouts on the roads and it was only 10 am! One lady tried to get into the shop, only to see what’s available, which is still a stupid thing to do and on cue everyone started moaning and shouting at her! This limp dick alone started hurling abuses from the get go, shouting “Podi podi” in a terrible tone at her! I would’ve snapped right away if some fucking stranger had used that tone at me! Obviously, the lady also started retaliating, threatened to call police, full blown drama. It got very awkward very quickly & everyone were just dumbstruck and face-palming. One soul next to me gave his useful commentary on the unfolding situation, “God what is this rowdy like tone used by the……..lady!!!”

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What the actual fuck? That semen culture who has somehow vegetated the earth for 45 odd years is the one who started barking and the lady is at fault, even though her crime was just being stupid? This motherfucker was damn disrespectful, guys! No? Wow society! Hope we all die soon! See I’m not a crusader or a social warrior. I always pause before helping someone out as there is no dearth of enthu cutlets who want to save the world! I won’t push someone away when they need help as I might be in that position anytime and I believe in karma so that’s the moral thread which holds my life together!

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Recurring theme in all my posts!

As expected, there was one guy, probably as old as me, who was calming the lady and her kid down. The kid, a bumbling obese teenager also started contributing to the screaming match but the lack of colourful vocab was not doing him any favours. Either that or he was afraid of swearing in front of his mom, all he could muster up was “How dare you can talk to my mother like that?”. Cute fellow! Sadly, the guy who was mediating the situation also didn’t say a word to that bald fuck! I hated that, I walked out of the shop and got on my scooter already but still something didn’t feel right! I had to do something otherwise this vile blob of fat and feces will go home with a victory back to his family whom he tortures on a daily basis I’m sure!

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That guy, everyone!

I got off the scooter and started berating him (I feel disgusted to use a pronoun but I’m running out of insults to describe that dickwad)! “Would you be okay if your wife was screamed at like this in public, sotta baadu! How can you be so disrespectful *&#&€¢ (insert expletives which can’t be made public as my mom would disown me)”. Everyone started laughing and taunting the bastard at last and he was shouting at me now. I didn’t hear a word he said as I had to shout much louder than him, I had to negate his voice, I had to destroy that energy! He wouldn’t change, he would still go back to his home and take it out on his child or wife, I’m pretty sure. But I asked the lady to calm down and not to react at all as it was beneath her, asked the kid to relax! Should’ve also asked her not to cut lines but the bigger problem had to be taken care of!

And let me assure you, I’m not brave, I’m not even sympathetic to a lot of situations as everyone has their problems to deal with. But certain entities like these should be destroyed, certain causes should never be compromised, humans are shitty but give each other the basic respect they deserve…or don’t deserve. It doesn’t depend on gender or race or religion…the only factors which determines the respect you get is based on whether you’re an asshole or not! Come on people, I know the chips are down, but is it that hard not to be an asshole?

ass-in-hole

GEDDIT? HAHAHA I AM FUNNY

The downward spiral towards destruction

People who are familiar with the landscape of Chennai would be aware of the average noise levels in and around Koyambedu, especially if you are living between CMBT and VR Mall. Its utter urban chaos. Although it’s nothing you can’t get used to, my terrace has always been the place where I take refuge from this constant onslaught, which some call life. It’s not that hard to tune out and find peace amongst the chaos of traffic jams, incessant honking, construction work and pure madness.

Cut to 11th April, Saturday 8 pm: an uncharacteristically eerie silence wafts through the jungle. The pounding of drill bits is replaced with sound bites from the latest episode of dog wars! Honking is replaced with cows mooing; I can’t see Sri Lanka from here but the sky is clearer and darker, thanks to VR Mall switching off its façade! Finally, chaos has made way to peace, one would assume. Then why don’t I feel it?

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Enough with the lights, VR!

I am an advocate of the duality of nature; the competing forces don’t act against but are complementary to each other. When I use the same pair of lenses to glean into the horizon from the confines of my terrace, I can understand the duality of chaos and peace. Only this time, it’s the other way around; the pandemonium hiding behind the veil of tranquility is gradually injecting itself into our lives and honestly, it is getting scary.

The virus doesn’t scare me nor the potential mortality. Although I must admit I am petrified for my mum who is the textbook definition of the high-risk target; hypertensive, diabetic, low immune, you name it! The questions which keep me awake apart from the obvious “Did Carole Baskin actually feed her husband to the tigers?” are more existential, to which I am sure no one has answers.

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  • Is this it?
  • Have we come too far to turn back from this?
  • Don’t we actually deserve this?
  • Why do we think we are special?
  • Why do we feel we are entitled to survive, given we have always dug graves for ourselves on the way to whatever progress means?
  • Aren’t we the virus in a sense?

Now tell me, is migrating all the reports to Tableau your topmost priority of Q2 2020? Is breaking up with the woman you love over your “future” plans the best thing to do, given how volatile everything is right now? Should we invest in SIPs or PPF? Should we rent or go ahead and buy a house already? Did we make a big deal out of Game of Thrones S08? Well, nope they deserved the shit they got and more but convince me with a straight face that our pretty little lives and priorities still matter!

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I know I am sounding alarmist, like those conspiracy theorists with tin foil hats. I did hope the world would end in 2012 only to realize Mayans were the original fathers of the pyramid schemes, fucking scamsters! Actually, replace N with W in Mayan and we have Amway! Wow! Okay not to get sidetracked now, but what do we do? How do we pull through this? What is the point of these meaningless daily battles when we are fighting an entirely different war for which we aren’t prepared for by any means?

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Yep, Simpsons predicted this too!

I only have more questions than answers and I am pretty sure you’re lost too. I am aware I am neither special nor alone in this predicament. I am more than sure millions are adversely affected by these circumstances and I should be grateful to be this privileged to have struggles that are mental in nature. I am trying to stay as distracted as I can from this mess, repair existing relationships, overload my days and especially nights with things I am passionate about, hold onto the last familiar thread of sanity. I will make it out of this probably, I am not sure. My expectations have been lowered to the rock bottom and I suggest you do too!

As I have always been saying, we, collectively, are not in an upward climb towards progress but in a downward spiral towards destruction. And the sooner we realize that, we can cut the losses and go out at least on our terms as opposed to be taken by surprise, ridden with despair and helplessness.

Featured image credit: Swarna

Into the abyss

This is the story of a little boy and his special toy. And how he lost it forever. Even though it was irreplaceable, he was never too careful with it. It was vulnerable and he knew it but he always had it on his person. Not too many moons ago, when he was loitering around, he came across a well. The ever inquisitive lad had to look inside it, he had to know what was down there. How could he not. The careless bastard he is, dropped his toy down the well even before he could grab a peek down it. No ropes or buckets around, no light to see down the abyss, he panicked.

Knowing his toy would be floating around, he decided to fill the well up inch by inch, day after day until the water rose up enough for him to retrieve his toy. He wasn’t going to settle down until he got it back. So he began, running back and forth from the nearby lake with a couple of buckets, shuttling water to fill up the well. He had no clue how deep the well was, no idea how many buckets of water he required. All he knew was he had to make as many trips as possible in the day between the lake and the well relentlessly. And he did. He never flinched, he never gave up. It became his routine, day in and out. Every now and then he would look inside with hope brimming through his eyes, wishing he would see his toy, maybe just a glimpse, just enough to validate his efforts. But no, he was staring into the endless black walls with no reflection at the end. Not even a glimmer.

As the time passed, his patience wore thin, his dedication turned into an obsession. He never gave up even for a moment, he poured as many buckets of water as possible into the well. He demanded there better be some improvement, for all he knew this was the most dedicated he has ever been his entire life. Then it struck him, there was some rope lying around in his backyard. He sprinted to his home and to his joy, he found the reel of rope. This day was going to be different, he knew. He ran back with the same gusto now with a new approach, it was definitely going to work. He tied it to a bucket and lowered it down the well. It was killing him, the wait. Slowly he was at the end of the line but still no sign of water. Agitated, he stretched further into the well, balancing himself on the ledge to reach deeper. More deeper. Poor bastard, understimated his strength, dropped the rope and the attached bucket into the unknown.

Devastated, unable to bottle his tears and frustration any more, he pounced onto the ledge and started hurling abuses into the well. That’s when it hit him, there was not even an echo. His disappointment turned to rage which then fizzled into fear. He begged to know what he did wrong, why he deserved this, or didn’t. He bawled inconsolably between his fits of anger. He didn’t get anything back except the deafening silence. It was clearly not the well’s fault. He was never going to get any closure. Was the toy still inside? Did the well require more water? Should he have patiently waited for the rains? Should be have gotten a bigger reel of rope? Should he have given up immediately, saving the time and effort invested down this black hole? He wasn’t going to get answers. He wasn’t going to get closure. He certainly wasn’t getting his special toy back. Nor the water he poured down the drain. It was time he wrote off his losses and waited for time to showcase it’s trickery.

Afreen Afreen – An Update

I have the habit of revisiting my old posts when I am bored beyond reproach. What I try to do when I am taking a trip down the nostalgia lane is to see how better or different I could’ve conveyed what I wanted to. And generally I wouldn’t want to change anything about it, until now. I happened to read a post I’d written, just more than a year ago about the woman I love. Trust me I don’t want to take anything back, my perception of her hasn’t changed but has evolved into something deep and complex which I never would’ve appreciated unless I had read the post again! And obviously it talks volumes about how my feelings for her has matured like scotch in an old barrel.

That post was so naive and obvious. It was so Bollywoody and extra, which she and her friends “pointed out” gently but you know how mean girls can get! I wear my heart on my sleeve and I never really am ashamed of how much I love. But after being (and not being for a longer duration) with her, what I realised is there is beauty in restraint as well, which I learnt from her! There is more love in an aptly timed hug and a peck on the forehead than spending huge amounts on elaborate cocktail dinners or fancy gifts. There is so much love in clamming up and turning into a boxing bag just to let her vent it out when she is super pissed on her period. Her smile when she discovers the secret notes (sadly mostly apologies) or chocolates you leave her sneakily is enough fuel to get you through a shitty day. You don’t always have to say it out loud, sometimes you don’t even have to say it. All the little things you do for her, with her, all the time…that matters most. Your words end up just being words. If you can’t translate your love into actions, if they aren’t your way of life, what good are they?

My previous post was from my heart but still you can notice a distance. It’s very one dimensional. It’s like a person describing the tip of an iceberg from far away without having the faintest clue of what lies underneath. I knew her well enough to fall in love with her but not enough to understand her. And even now I haven’t figured her out or don’t intend to because she isn’t a puzzle. Piece of advice for all the 4 people who are reading this, never approach a person you love like an achievement to be unlocked or mystery to be solved!
The excitement and fun exists until you find out the solution. What happens after that? What you should instead do it embrace everything you don’t know or understand about them. More than love, patience is the best gift you can give anyone. Give them the space they deserve to grow. Earn their trust, their understanding, their patience, friendship & respect! Earn your space in their life which is irreplaceable! Then you will get their love. Take no shortcuts, they won’t last.

Although, I am not perfect. I don’t follow my advice to the T. It’s easier said than done but I am willing to do it only for her. She is a paradox. She is a lot of things at once. She is as strong as she is fragile. She is as thick skinned as she is sensitive. She can be cold as fuck or a carebear at the flick of a switch! She is made to constantly learn and adapt and evolve! She can never be the same person you knew few months back. And that’s where people don’t get her. You expect her to be the same but she is not meant to be. It’s impossible for her to be stagnant. Even she doesn’t know where she wants to go but she always finds her way. In all this chaos behind the veil, she carries herself with grace, levity and a sense of respect and appreciation for everything which is around her. She is the truest version of herself and that’s the best anyone can do! Now tell me, is there a better definition of beauty, both inside and out? The most beautiful woman I know just one-upped on me 🙂

You are my literature :)

I don’t want to label
I don’t want to analyse
I don’t want to justify
I don’t want to verbalize

I don’t want to answer your difficult questions
I don’t want to make sense of the situations
I don’t want to worry about tomorrow
I don’t want us to deal with our sorrow

I want the silence in our eyes to talk
I want our bodies to revel in the spark
I want me to be yours and you mine
I want us to remain till the last sun shines

Jack’s Nightmarish Nights!

Previously!

FADE IN:

INT. THE BEDROOM – 3:17am

The glasses lie on the side of bed, not folded and on the side table like usual. The wireless keyboard and mouse lie scattered, separated from each other. The Bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch blaring out of the headphones which are on the verge of falling out of the ear sockets. The phone isn’t plugged into the charger but on his chest. Nobody likes to wake up with a phone without power or cancer, especially someone as paranoid as Jack. No matter how tired he is, he is always anal about order and routine. It’s fashionable to claim to have OCD but his obsession might be close to a medical condition. That and his love life. By the look of it, one sickness has apparently cured the other, temporarily at least. Clearly, he has had a rough night. Definitely not the first one in the recent weeks.

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND, the antithesis of everything that’s positive / hopeful in life, walks into the room, breaking the eerie silence in the room.

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

So, what do we have here tonight?

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND slowly lifts Jack’s hand, careful enough not to wake him up, to see what’s on the phone.

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Ohhh mystery solved! New Instagram post. Wait is that him with her, again? Hahaha loser look at the caption! The pleasure of telling you “I told you so”! Such an ego boost, man!

 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND puts the hand with the phone back in position and closes in on Jack’s face with a disgusted look, to check his breath for signs of weed or booze. Rolling his eyes, he smirks.

 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Sober as fuck! Whom were you trying to fool with your grand schemes of self destruction, sissy? You can’t last a weekend of heavy drinking and getting stoned, you fuckin’ disgrace!

JACK’S REMAINING SANITY

And nobody expects him to! He isn’t Devdas.

 

With a pretty self-explanatory name, JACK’S REMAINING SANITY appears to be sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands buried in his face, while JACK’S WRETCHED MIND is pacing around with a sly smile of disapproval.

 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Haha I was expecting you to take his side, Mr. Politically Correct! You do know you have also contributed to his current state, right? Not that he needs any help to screw himself over again and again, pretty self sufficient that way, our boy!

JACK’S REMAINING SANITY

Oh shut up! He doesn’t need to hear this now, even though how correct you are. Now is the time to support him and help him see through this phase.

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

What fuckin phase, man? His need for romantic love is more dreadful and keeps resurfacing more frequently than Pennywise, you clown! I am so done with him. Everytime it’s the same thing! No wait, this time was different. Yeah he got fuckin friendzoned, he didn’t even get into a relationship to screw things up! It’s time I took control again. The shit has hit the fan and even painted the ceiling brown, my friend! Please do not stop me now.

JACK’S REMAINING SANITY

Yeah? And how are you going to protect him? By isolating him? Getting used to a routine where he suppresses his emotions? That’s hardly the way to heal or even live. There are some values which should never change! People should never give up on that. He is a hopeless romantic, let him be one. There aren’t many out there!

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Remind me again, who’s giving him an award for that? Save pandas and koalas if you want. Romantics can kiss my ass and die! It isn’t the 90’s anymore. People have to adapt. Relationships aren’t the same anymore. Millennials have watered it down. It’s basically a joke. Romance is dead, loving someone is only a calculated risk now. Everything is extra, being vulnerable and emotional is a weakness. People who can distance themselves from any sort of association are the powerful ones. It’s become a fuckin Darwin’s jungle, this charade of relationships. And I am not surprised he is being butchered, two words to explain it: Natural Selection.

JACK’S REMAINING SANITY

Such a fuckin monologist! You can’t expect him to remove her from his life. What about the friendship? Isn’t that important? Isn’t that breaking a promise?

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Ok first of all, all promises are eventually going to be broken. It’s like fuckin Westworld out here! And secondly, “yourself above anyone else”. That’s the only way anyone can survive. Number 3….

JACK’S REMAINING SANITY

We know you love making lists! Now go away before you wake him up!

 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND loses his cool and climbs on bed, pointing his finger at JACK’S REMAINING SANITY’s face, he says in a muffled but stern voice!

 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND

Look man, this is where you get the fuck out and let me take control! Enough of your pussy-minded, I-am-a-fuckin-gentleman/romantic bullshit! The truth is this has to end. Look I agree she isn’t to blame. Love and attraction doesn’t have a rule book! But he was everything she wanted in a guy. Ok a 100% match isn’t possible but he would strive to make her happy! He was there when she wanted and he will always be. Isn’t he funny, warm, caring, loving and an absolute stand-up guy? Yes he is a bit extra but that’s him! It’s better than being an asshole! He is a fat fuck but if that’s the reason why he was rejected, good for him! In spite of him being all this, if it didn’t work out, isn’t it time to kiss her goodbye? What about the plans he made for her birthday since the day he learnt how special it is to her? Everything is ruined now, nothing went to plan! Isn’t that a sign to just give up? Even if he manages to pull it off, it would only make her awkward as she doesn’t feel shit for him, man! And you are saying let him indulge in his fantasy dates in which he keeps falling for that damned smile every time and she gets to kill an evening with just another friend! His expectations of priority and importance in her life will never meet the reality. He will always end up getting hurt, especially when some other guy is going to make her feel special in ways he dreamt of. Why can’t you or him let that sink in your thick fuckin skull of yours, you dim-witted misfits! If I had a mic, I would smash your motherfucking heads to pulp before dropping it!

 

In this commotion, Jack suddenly wakes up with his phone in hand, to his dismay his screen still showing her latest post and a battery percentage of 13!

 

JACK

Fuuuuck man!

 

Jack looks around the room only to find no one. He is sure he heard someone. He can remember parts of their conservation. He looks lost like a deer staring into headlights. He closes all the apps on the phone, restarts the playlist which has been unchanged since weeks, plugs in the headphones and closes his eyes.

 

JACK (takes a deep breath)

Let’s do this!

 

FADE OUT: Cut to black. Cue in Someone That I Used to Know by Gotye. 

JACK’S WRETCHED MIND (voice over)

Such a melodramatic, mainstream motherfucker! Couldn’t you get a more obvious song? 

(MORE)

La Douleur Exquise

Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.

Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? After a point you know that you can’t blame anyone but yourself, yet you are willing to walk the tightrope without a net underneath. Is falling in love really worth so much? Even when it is unrequited? Especially when it is unrequited!


“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” Nice note to finish the movie on. That’s why Shawshank Redemption would remain one of best movies about *drumroll* redemption! As Andy Dufresne digs through the prison wall over the years and finally breaks out, there is an overwhelming sense of satisfaction in the redemption the figment of the author’s imagination gets. You tend to believe this shit is true. Yes for most part of life it probably is. Honestly though, hope is a dangerous device when you are in love. Love defies all rules and logic, it doesn’t follow a path you can predict, it’s not always right, it’s never fair, there is no redemption in the end! It fucks you up in ways you can’t imagine. And hope just fuels the self-destruction. Finally, if you are smart enough, you settle with Red’s side of the coin: “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane!” 


My all time favourite talk show host, Craig Ferguson (how I miss you, man), always identified himself as a pessimist because he is smart and hope leads to expectations which can only bring pain. True. Even a smart kid can see the logic behind this, right? Why do you get a “404, logic not found error” when you fall in love with someone you can’t be with? Ok you can’t choose whom you fall in love with, agreed smarty pants! Still, does that change the fact that you are fucked for a considerable amount of time until whatever this is is out of your system? No. To make things worse, you begin to bargain with yourself. You justify your decision to pursue this dead fish of “relationship” in your head. You begin to believe you are worthy of love and the power of love would compel them (sorry about the steal, Exorcist) to eventually fall for you. All this is good in theory, but sadly it doesn’t work like that!

The truth hurts.

It’s so easy so paint the person you are in love with as a villain. A little empathy and a dash of common sense would help you understand even they are as helpless as you. “I do not like you in that way”, “I am not attracted to you”, “You are a friend to me”. I know these are soul crushing to hear but if these are honest emotions, shouldn’t you be strong enough to respect them? Classic example of “easier said than done”! Is there an alternative though? Nope! A lot of questions would have no as the answer and we should learn to deal with it. Put yourself ahead of everything else as the suffering is personal, no one else can share the pain with you. If you don’t respect yourself, how can anyone else? Accepting no for an answer and letting go is the first step in moving the fuck on.

If you can’t stay as friends with them, don’t. Take some time off and then get back when you think you can, if they value you. If you aren’t strong enough, clean breaks are the best. Even then you won’t be healed. You will stalk their Instagram, you will read through the comments to find any hint that they are dating someone else. You will torture yourself by assuming the worst. And mostly, what you assume would be true and you can’t do anything but wallow in self pity. The pain of watching you being replaced by someone else in your story (in your head, you are already a couple, no?) is actually physical and beyond manageble. You would seek avenues to escape the pain, shelve the reality for a while! But remember, all those are temporary measures. Eventually the reality catches up with you.

 

That leaves us with one option, the last option. Own it. Embrace it. Accept it. It’s not easy to fall out of love but you don’t have to. A part of you will never stop loving them. You don’t need closure. Somethings can remain unresolved. It will remain as baggage for quite some time, weeks / months / even years! Don’t shun the feelings, don’t repress the pain, don’t forget the love, never fuel the hate. Everything that you consider toxic is still a part of you, it completes you. You will never be okay. But that’s ok.

Afreen Afreen

Beauty.

Have you met someone who has redefined your standards of beauty, both inside and out? Her mere presence gives you a bout of jitters, even though you are used to company of gorgeous women. Every time she steps into a room, you can’t help but embarrass yourself by doing the obvious, turn towards her like clockwork. The embarrassment doesn’t really register considering the trade off: you get to see her, again. And again and again! I bet you can never have enough of her! How much ever you try to distract yourself, the moment you close your eyes, there she appears, as vivid as any memory can be.

I am not sure if it is even possible to get tired of that lovely face! I never believed in “Good morning!”s until she started wishing me with a snap of her face, as bright as the early rays of sunshine deflecting off the yellowing leaves of autumn. That’s when I realised I have been waking up the wrong way my entire life. And as she would like to plug in an inside joke at this juncture, I have had a considerably longer life than hers. Things you do to make them laugh, eh? And if you have seen her laugh or even smile, you would just take it upon yourself to be the reason for her smile more than anything else. Her skin glistens like the ocean on a full moon night. Her cheeks would make adorably fluffy bunnies feel insecure, her lips are probably the specimen templates used by god (Okay I will stop there :P). I can’t talk about goddamn eyes though! I have pushed myself into a corner as I can’t do justice to her eyes with mere mortal words. I just can’t. I can only feel lucky to be able to get lost in them, whenever I get to see them.

All this sounds like hyperbole? A guy in love is always going to be biased when he is going to textualize his love, but you needn’t be able to see her from my eyes to see how beautiful she is. She is one hell of a woman! Although, this is only about the physical appearance which, unfortunately, is bound to fade away eventually. Does it even matter though? That’s when you need my pair of eyes to see how beautiful she actually is.

She is one of the souls who gets torn when she sees other people in misery. Her need to help others who are actually in need of it, is fueled by nothing but her honest intentions of making the world a better place. She doesn’t post about it on any social media or even actively talk about it. She would be the first one to raise her voice in support whenever she sees any form of exploitation. I worry for her sometimes if she will land in some trouble for doing it, but she wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. She is a firebrand! She is very kind-hearted, especially to the ones we wouldn’t even consider giving our attention to. She would always put her loved ones ahead of her, what may come. Her expectations from life is as simple and meaningful as it can be. She can’t lie, she is as transparent and honest, yet constructive as anyone can be.

I don’t want this to sound like a write up on Mother Teresa. I am not putting her on a pedestal. She is human and I am aware of it. And she is a crazily wild human being, thank god for that! These are just the few little things I love about her. These are the reasons why I believe she defines beauty in a way a lot of them are not used to.

This is why she will be the most beautiful woman, inside and out!

Husn-I jaanaan ki tareef mumkin nahi
Husn-I jaanaan ki tareef mumkin nahi
Afreen afreen
Afreen afreen
Tu bhi dekhe agar toh kahe hamnisheen
Afreen afreen
Afreen afreen
Husn-I jaanaan ki tareef mumkin nahi

Her favorite song, the one which inspired me to write after 2 years 🙂

An Open Letter To Aamir Khan

Dear Aamir Khan,

This is an open letter to you. Why am I writing this? How many people will read it? Will it make a difference? I don’t know. Is this another exercise of mine to grab the attention of people in my social circle to feed my ego? Quite possibly! Is it one of those life-saving gestures where I change my profile picture to show my support to a first world country where 100 odd people died? I know that’s a lazy Wednesday afternoon in Syria but I like French fries better. Anyway, I am going to deny all that, put my pseudo-patriotism on and tell you why I am writing this. You hurt my feelings! Did you kill someone? Did you endorse patriarchy? Did any major corporation withhold chunks of FDI from our country due to your comment? Did it have any fucking effect on anything remotely noticeable, apart from down-voting the Snapdeal app into oblivion? Poor chaps had only one strategy and that backfired like shit! But it hurt our FEELINGS, bro! I feel more disappointed in you than the parents of an Asian kid who scored an A-minus.

How dare you? What gives you the right to have an opinion? You are an actor. You are an Indian actor. Let me be clearer. You are a Muslim Indian actor. Don’t you know you have to be responsible with what comes out of your mouth? And also what goes into it, holy cow!! Don’t you know better than to speak your mind, even though the fear and intolerance you talked about is on every rational Indian’s mind right now? The exact intolerance which you are subjected to right now! Yes we don’t know what might get banned next, what might be termed offensive, who will be bullied next, how many are going to be raped, murdered or just fucked with. But hey, didn’t you learn in school? Saare jahaan se achcha Hindustan humara? Ignorance is bliss. That’s how we roll, yo!

Don’t you know TRP is the one thing our conniving media cares about and everything you say will be twisted and used against you? Just wait for that over-enthusiastic politician, who never gets his facts right, to demand you to go back to where you came from. Bandra, Mumbai apparently but you know what I mean. And being a Muslim only makes you more anti-national no matter how many social causes you have fought for.

By the way who asked you to do all that? Isn’t looking good, talking about your love life, diet regime and your 300 crore blockbusters the only part of your job description? It’s not your fault, Aamir. In a country where chai wala’s can run governments, you can never stick to the job you are meant to do! So here’s what you do. Write an apology letter to every Indian whose country you belittled. And be a mard & get a grip on your woman!! Why she is even allowed to worry about any place which isn’t her kitchen? If you don’t set this straight, I am not going to spend one dime on your movies anymore! And I don’t even have to kid around if you make another one like Dhoom 3.

Jai Hind

Sathyameva Jayathe