Jack's Wasted Life

This is the story of a little boy and his special toy. And how he lost it forever. Even though it was irreplaceable, he was never too careful with it. It was vulnerable and he knew it but he always had it on his person. Not too many moons ago, when he was loitering around, he came across a well. The ever inquisitive lad had to look inside it, he had to know what was down there. How could he not. The careless bastard he is, dropped his toy down the well even before he could grab a peek down it. No ropes or buckets around, no light to see down the abyss, he panicked.

Knowing his toy would be floating around, he decided to fill the well up inch by inch, day after day until the water rose up enough for him to retrieve his toy. He wasn’t going to settle down until he got it back. So he began, running back and forth from the nearby lake with a couple of buckets, shuttling water to fill up the well. He had no clue how deep the well was, no idea how many buckets of water he required. All he knew was he had to make as many trips as possible in the day between the lake and the well relentlessly. And he did. He never flinched, he never gave up. It became his routine, day in and out. Every now and then he would look inside with hope brimming through his eyes, wishing he would see his toy, maybe just a glimpse, just enough to validate his efforts. But no, he was staring into the endless black walls with no reflection at the end. Not even a glimmer.

As the time passed, his patience wore thin, his dedication turned into an obsession. He never gave up even for a moment, he poured as many buckets of water as possible into the well. He demanded there better be some improvement, for all he knew this was the most dedicated he has ever been his entire life. Then it struck him, there was some rope lying around in his backyard. He sprinted to his home and to his joy, he found the reel of rope. This day was going to be different, he knew. He ran back with the same gusto now with a new approach, it was definitely going to work. He tied it to a bucket and lowered it down the well. It was killing him, the wait. Slowly he was at the end of the line but still no sign of water. Agitated, he stretched further into the well, balancing himself on the ledge to reach deeper. More deeper. Poor bastard, understimated his strength, dropped the rope and the attached bucket into the unknown.

Devastated, unable to bottle his tears and frustration any more, he pounced onto the ledge and started hurling abuses into the well. That’s when it hit him, there was not even an echo. His disappointment turned to rage which then fizzled into fear. He begged to know what he did wrong, why he deserved this, or didn’t. He bawled inconsolably between his fits of anger. He didn’t get anything back except the deafening silence. It was clearly not the well’s fault. He was never going to get any closure. Was the toy still inside? Did the well require more water? Should he have patiently waited for the rains? Should be have gotten a bigger reel of rope? Should he have given up immediately, saving the time and effort invested down this black hole? He wasn’t going to get answers. He wasn’t going to get closure. He certainly wasn’t getting his special toy back. Nor the water he poured down the drain. It was time he wrote off his losses and waited for time to showcase it’s trickery.

I have the habit of revisiting my old posts when I am bored beyond reproach. What I try to do when I am taking a trip down the nostalgia lane is to see how better or different I could’ve conveyed what I wanted to. And generally I wouldn’t want to change anything about it, until now. I happened to read a post I’d written, just more than a year ago about the woman I love. Trust me I don’t want to take anything back, my perception of her hasn’t changed but has evolved into something deep and complex which I never would’ve appreciated unless I had read the post again! And obviously it talks volumes about how my feelings for her has matured like scotch in an old barrel.

That post was so naive and obvious. It was so Bollywoody and extra, which she and her friends “pointed out” gently but you know how mean girls can get! I wear my heart on my sleeve and I never really am ashamed of how much I love. But after being (and not being for a longer duration) with her, what I realised is there is beauty in restraint as well, which I learnt from her! There is more love in an aptly timed hug and a peck on the forehead than spending huge amounts on elaborate cocktail dinners or fancy gifts. There is so much love in clamming up and turning into a boxing bag just to let her vent it out when she is super pissed on her period. Her smile when she discovers the secret notes (sadly mostly apologies) or chocolates you leave her sneakily is enough fuel to get you through a shitty day. You don’t always have to say it out loud, sometimes you don’t even have to say it. All the little things you do for her, with her, all the time…that matters most. Your words end up just being words. If you can’t translate your love into actions, if they aren’t your way of life, what good are they?

My previous post was from my heart but still you can notice a distance. It’s very one dimensional. It’s like a person describing the tip of an iceberg from far away without having the faintest clue of what lies underneath. I knew her well enough to fall in love with her but not enough to understand her. And even now I haven’t figured her out or don’t intend to because she isn’t a puzzle. Piece of advice for all the 4 people who are reading this, never approach a person you love like an achievement to be unlocked or mystery to be solved!
The excitement and fun exists until you find out the solution. What happens after that? What you should instead do it embrace everything you don’t know or understand about them. More than love, patience is the best gift you can give anyone. Give them the space they deserve to grow. Earn their trust, their understanding, their patience, friendship & respect! Earn your space in their life which is irreplaceable! Then you will get their love. Take no shortcuts, they won’t last.

Although, I am not perfect. I don’t follow my advice to the T. It’s easier said than done but I am willing to do it only for her. She is a paradox. She is a lot of things at once. She is as strong as she is fragile. She is as thick skinned as she is sensitive. She can be cold as fuck or a carebear at the flick of a switch! She is made to constantly learn and adapt and evolve! She can never be the same person you knew few months back. And that’s where people don’t get her. You expect her to be the same but she is not meant to be. It’s impossible for her to be stagnant. Even she doesn’t know where she wants to go but she always finds her way. In all this chaos behind the veil, she carries herself with grace, levity and a sense of respect and appreciation for everything which is around her. She is the truest version of herself and that’s the best anyone can do! Now tell me, is there a better definition of beauty, both inside and out? The most beautiful woman I know just one-upped on me 🙂

I don’t want to label
I don’t want to analyse
I don’t want to justify
I don’t want to verbalize

I don’t want to answer your difficult questions
I don’t want to make sense of the situations
I don’t want to worry about tomorrow
I don’t want us to deal with our sorrow

I want the silence in our eyes to talk
I want our bodies to revel in the spark
I want me to be yours and you mine
I want us to remain till the last sun shines